Sunday, January 30, 2011

The End of the World Part 2: Natural Disasters

I live in California. As a Californian, I have a lot of things to worry about. Earthquakes, beautiful celebrities ruining my self-esteem, heavy snowfall, stormy, rainy weather, unforgettable California girls who wear Daisy Duke's and bikinis on top, UV radiation, and in a matter of years, the end of the relationship between the Golden State and The U.S. It will be a terrible break up.

So maybe some of us Californians will be slightly prepared for the end of the world, right?

Hell no.

If the world does end due to some form of crazy-go-nuts natural disaster, it'll be terrifying worse than what us Californians, or any other earthling has ever experienced. Maybe.

Natural disasters are numerous. Here's a list:
Heavenly bodies colliding with the Earth
Killer Whales
The Sun exploding
Global Warming

I'm not going to cover all of these. I'll probably just talk about events where we can prepare. The Sun exploding is an instant death sentence, as well as the Killer Whales War that could take place.
And I mean asteroids and comets and stuff when I mentioned heavenly bodies. I'm staying away from religion. Really far away.

Let's start with earthquakes.
I could get all geological right now, but that's not important. So for this blog, an earthquake is pretty much the earth having an epileptic fit.
The earth's seizures have a scale of how destructive they are. 1 being mediocre, and 10 being deadly to the extreme. When the world ends, it'll be a level 10 earthquake that will have killed us all. Everyone around the earth will feel it and they will be sad.
The best thing you can do is pretty much buy a flying house. They aren't on the market yet, but they might be soon. Invest in one of those, or whatever. I don't know any of the house buying stuff. Just get one. Or just hide under a really strong table. Canned foodstuffs will help you live longer, too.

I'm not going to lie, you guys. I know little about earthquakes. I've experienced, like, three in my life. My first encounter with an earthquake took place way back when I was just a wee lad, sleeping all safe and sound in the warm confines of my bed. I was slumbering peacefully when my dear mum started screaming at the top of her longs that the ground was shaking. I would've been able to sleep through it, and to be honest, the earthquake probably wouldn't have scared too badly. My dear mother's cruel awakening, however, made it all the worse.
So in case of an earthquake, stay calm. Unless you want to scare your children. And scar them for life. Jerk.

Let's discuss flooding now.

I've never been in a flood. I have known people that have, though. And of course we're probably all familiar with the catastrophic events that can occur because of these natural disasters.
Like earthquakes, one should prepare for these fucked up events. I'm not going to tell you what to do to prepare. Look it up yourself. Geez.

I'm just going to skip all the boring natural disasters. Hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes, all that stuff. Best you can do is just prepare for those, I guess. You'll be in a state of peace and stuff, so you'll probably do fine. Probably. Learn how to swim just in case.

In real life, Bruce Willis probably won't be able to save us from a massive asteroid the size of Texas crushing us all. I don't think anything can prevent that. So if you're really worried, start training yourself to endure polluted air, a toxic atmosphere, a lack of sunlight and healthy vegetation, and all that good stuff. But if you live in Los Angeles, you're probably good to go.
So this post kind of really sucks. I apologize. But like the post prior to this, the whole point is to just prepare so you aren't freaking out. It's like taking a test, I guess. If you don't study, you'll probably fail the test and you'll be freaking out the whole time. Whereas if you study, you probably won't. Ugh.

Anywho, most of these events aren't preventable. We can treat killer whales nicely so they don't revolt against us, and we could possibly build a bad-ass laser that will destroy asteroids. But if we are to die by the cruel hand of Mother Nature, then that sucks. At least we won't be to blame. That would really suck, and it would be embarrassing. No, but we won't be doing that anytime soon. We humans are smart and wouldn't dare bring the end upon ourselves. Right?


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