Saturday, October 1, 2011

Becoming a Man/Woman

Summer of 2010 was an interesting time for me. I had just graduated from high school, so I was no longer required to be miserable in an educational institution. I could be miserable in an educational institution on my own volition! My friends, some of which I have known since elementary school, were going off to school, and that was pretty weird. Oh, and it was my last year being a minor. Yes, I was turning 18, and it was kind of weird.

One August day after standing awkwardly in front of our friend's house, only to be quickly shooed away after being discovered we were loitering, a friend and I walked to some grocery store, bought bread and headed over to my old elementary school nearby.

As we walked over, the topic of me being old was brought up. I stated that I didn't feel like a proper adult or a man. So we discussed certain things I could do to become a man.

We came up with a few ridiculous ideas. Perhaps I could fight for a pretty girl's honor. But that would require me having upper body strength, which I don't. I am weak. I could save a baby from a fire... But that wouldn't work either. I'm afraid of fire and that would also require strength. Also babies sometimes creep me out.

At this point we realized that I was basically fucked. Then we decided that all that was needed to become a man was to say that you are a man. So then I said I was a man, and we went with that for a while.

But I never really felt like a man. For some time after that, I went around living life in this awkward state between man and boy, a state that I call moyhood. I spent a year living as a moy and, well, it was kind of really weird. But I went with it.

One day, I woke up with the urge to buy Legos. There was this pretty bitchin' set I saw a few days earlier that I had to have. So I drove to the bank to pull out some money so I may purchase this wonderful toy. Then there was some lady that was all like, "Are you a student? If you are, we can give you a credit card which is a totally good idea for some kid who barely got a job and is prone to spend like a crazy fucker from the 1920s. Yeah. You want one?"

I was well aware that she would not let me leave until I said yes, so...

A few days later, I went to check the mail. I don't know why, I never get mail. Anyway, it just so happened that I did get mail that day. My credit card had arrived. And then I realized something...

All the men I know have credit cards.

It dawned on me that this is what was required for me to become a man. I had arrived. Boyhood was gone. Moyhood was also gone. I had entered the land of men. By that I mean I had become a man. Yeah.

I think we go around in life worrying and stressing out over things like this. We are bombarded with ideas and steps on what it takes to be a man or a woman. But there probably aren't any real steps in reaching this state. But yet some of us continue to worry about it and, as we all know, that's never good for our sanity. Freaking out over something trivial like this never ends well. Don't fucking obsess, people, jeez.

No but seriously, if you are on the verge of stressing out about this too much, just remember that you can decide what you must do to become a man or a woman or whatever you want to be. It can literally be anything! You can punch a gorilla in the face, jump off some tall person, kiss a pretty boy or girl, anything! For me, becoming a man was as simple as receiving a credit card. My man card.

You define who and what you are.