Monday, December 20, 2010

The Holiday Season

Everything goes downhill after Thanksgiving. Well, not really.

The holiday season is a rather stressful time for many of us. How can it not be? There are the dreaded finals high school and college students must first overcome to begin their Winter Break, the threat of contact with the unwanted, unliked and smelly relatives visiting, giving you a hideous knitted sweater with a deformed Rudolph embroidered on it, the need to spend a copious amount of money on people you may not like, knowing that you will gain weight, and more. It's also an incredibly dangerous time. Stores are filled to the brim with mothers who need to buy their child the brand new XBox or PS3. How else will they be able to satisfy their thirst for computer animated blood and violence?

It all starts at around midnight, maybe 4:00 a.m., on the Friday follwing Thanksgiving. Black Friday is the day we celebrate consumerism, materialism, awesome savings on things we need/don't need, and human population. Oh, and it's also a wonderful way to shed off all the weight we might have gained from stuffing ourselves with a copious amount of food the night before, as well as forget what we learned the night before! No, that's not true. We are grateful for awesome savings!

For those that don't really know, Black Friday is the day many stores decide to lower their prices on, like, everything. It's pretty much the first day of the holiday season. As wonderful as it may sound, this day is slightly infamous. People have definitely died, mostly by being trampled by obese peolple trying to get into the store. It's a good way to keep the population in check. Here's a video.

It can get a looooooot worse than that.

It begins.

If you unfortunately miss this day of fun and crowds, you're out of luck. Prices for objects your children want will return to normal and you will suffer. But if you feel the need to buy them crap, I have a piece of information that will save you from tearing your hair out!

About a year and a half ago, I signed up for the Borders membership thingy. I like books, but books are expensive. Fortunately, by being a member of Borders Rewards, I get weekly coupons! So plan ahead. There are a lot of different memberships for different stores, I imagine. So look into them. If part of the whole membership allows you to recieve a large amount of coupons for free, then by all means join said membership thing. Coupons are pretty much your best friends during this time.

Or, don't buy any gifts. Make some. It shows that you care a lot more (hopefully), and you won't have to spend any money.

Or don't give any tangible gifts. Just, like, hang out with the people you care about. Perhaps that's one of the many meanings of the holiday season. And all the religious ones, too, but I won't get into them, mainly because I'm afraid I'll get something wrong and religious people will descend on my like a pack of angry, hungry wolves.

Some people will be forced to spend time with their families they normally wouldn't want to be near. I say get over it. Some of these people could possibly die within the next couple of days, so deal with it. If you have to spend time with them, don't go out of your way to be bored, depressed, angry, angsty, annoyed, etc. Maybe try to enjoy your company.

One last thing. I come from a Catholic family, so we celebrate Christmas. My sister moved out recently, so I was the only child living in the house. My sister normally organizes the tree decorating crap, but she wasn't here, and my parents were all busy-like and stuff. So, I believed the tree-decorating duty was placed on me. I didn't want to, though. The reason I did is because I felt like I had to. So I conformed to tradition.

Normally, our tree is decorated in the typical fashion: ornaments, lights, strands of beads, and angel on the peak of the tree, etc., etc. I put fruit on the tree. It started with a banana, then a kiwi was added, followed by an apple and an orange. By doing so, I was pretty much flipping tradition off, but not so it was obvious. It was more like flipping tradition off so it wouldn't see me. So I ended up liking the tree a lot more by not following the rules and such, which made me feel better about it and stuff.

I don't know how this applies to going insane. Figure it out.

Happy Holidays, you guys!


Monday, December 6, 2010

Recovery from Insanity

My last post was, well, interesting to say the least. I'm not saying the actual post was interesting, but the events that followed the post. It didn't go over well for some. It was misinterpreted, and I received quite a bit of, well, negativity. It wasn't pretty.

Yes, there was an epic battle of sorts, and both sides fought long and hard. But not really. It probably wasn't as dramatic as I make it sound, but, dear reader, I would just like to make it clear that some of the writing in my posts is meant to sound over-dramatic. I go out of my way to make things more exciting because, well, life is pretty damn boring.

Now then, events that took place concerning the previous post had left me in a very strange, uncomfortable position. All this constant bickering and fighting over something that really didn't matter left me feeling rather high-strung. I couldn't take it any more, and some of my internal organs probably exploded. Dearest reader, I went insane. Rather, I was close to going insane. I was on the brink of insanity. But I recovered.

So now that I've given a personal story, I will now continue to give some advice that may or may not suck. And it'll be in steps!

1. Realize you're insane or on the brink of insanity.

This is quite possibly one of the more difficult steps. Sometimes, it'll be simple to identify you're on the brink of insanity. Pay attention to your actions. If you notice that you're behaving rather strange, especially after something dramatic, traumatic, stressful, ridiculous or stupid happens. If your comportment is really off, you may be going insane. It is much more noticeable if you're writing or typing. You'll be able to see what you're saying, and that can really help.
More often than not, you probably won't be writing or typing when you're on the brink of insanity. I was fortunate enough to have been, so I acted quickly. If you aren't as lucky as I was, look at how others are reacting to your behavior. Especially if they're all like, "What the fuck is up with that guy/girl? He/She is crazy or something." Of course, being around people that actually know you well will definitely help in your self-diagnosis.

The following step is incredibly crucial, so pay attention. But you don't really have to. Whatevs.

The First 2. Calm down.
Pretty self-explanatory, I think. Try taking the situation in stride, tell yourself, "I'm probably going insane, but now that I know I am, I can do something about it and things will be cool and stuff." Reassure yourself. If you don't, you'll probably freak out and the problem will exacerbate, which is the opposite of what you want.
If that works, continue to step three. If it fails...

At this point you're still freaking out, the situation may have gotten a lot worse, and all hell is about to break loose. It's time to take drastic actions! Breathe all deep and stuff. Have others reassure you. Sit and attempt to relax. Fight the urge to do anything drastic. You know, all that kind of stuff. Find your happy place.

3. Recovery.
This step involves doing stuff you like. Unhealthy, junk food helps a lot, as well as sugary, fizzy, different colored beverages. Caffeine won't help, though. Not at all. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Find a nice warm spot on the couch, by the fire, with a cat, a dog, or a hedgehog. Except if you're in California. You can't have hedgehogs there. Take a warm shower or bath, and let your muscles relax as your body recalls those wonderful, warm, safe days spent in the womb of your mum, surrounded by amniotic fluid. Try not to think about what happened. It was a terrible, tragic event, and dwelling on it will just freak the living life out of you.*

4. Sleep.
I'm not gonna explain this one.

So that's that. I actually don't know if this always work. Last night was the first time I tried it, and it seemed to work pretty well. Sort of. I didn't get much sleep, though. But it's probably because I went against the steps I made up and drank a Vanilla Coke at, like, ten o' clock, or something. That wasn't smart.

Anyway, I feel like this was poorly written, but I don't care. I'm gonna blame it on the stupid things that happened yesterday.


*That was a stupid sentence.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Changing the world.

Dearest reader, as of late, I have found it incredibly difficult to keep my faith in humanity. I have come to realize that the world is falling apart, and I feel like absolutely nothing is being done to prevent it. I have developed a cynical perspective, and it isn't good. Probably.

But can you really blame me? The 21st century is a fucked up place. Wars breaking out, brainwashing advertising, obsessive consumerism, climate change, factory farming, Twilight fanatics, drug trafficking, apathy, genocides, ethnocentrism, the need for instant gratification, anthropocentrism, racism, biblical weather, celebrity news, anorexia nervosa, obesity, homophobia, the list is long, and it's probably growing.

Yes, without question, we're going to blow ourselves and the world to smithereens.
I realized this in my psychology class as we discovered the wonderfully stupid world of advertising. After viewing some advertisement involving some girl make out with a sandwich and then proceed to pretty much have sex with it, I started thinking about the rest of the crap that makes humans the worst living thing ever. Yes, even worse than those fucking camel spiders. Humans make camel spiders look like freakin' puppies. I immediately fell into a deep, deep hole of angst, anger, and cynicism. I felt as if there was nothing that could be done, that all human beings sucked even more than a leech or a cheap prostitute.

I apologize for this little bit of the post, but the sandwich thing needs to be addressed. Seriously? That's probably one of the worst things I've ever seen. Even if I wasn't vegetarian, I wouldn't eat that. I don't think sex and eating should ever be combined. It's actually kind of gross. I know, I know, sex sells. But still, seriously, America? Seriously, Carl's Jr.? And the worse part of this is the fact that it actually works. IT FUCKING WORKS. I feel like vomiting whenever I see this. Ugh.


I hated everyone. I wanted to see the world catch on fire, and I wanted to see everyone's moronic face cry out, "We're sorry, we were dumb and stuff, like, oh, my god, this fire hurts a lot. Ouch, ouch, ouch, if this stops, I swear I'll only drive to that one store that I can easily walk to in ten minutes on cold days, ouch." And then I'd be all like, "No, you're lying, shut the hell up, you suck." I was absolutely convinced there was nothing to be done, and it was all humanity's fault.

I went insane. Or close to it.

As I type this post out, I'm also skimming and exploring the vast land of the internet. I notice a lot of things that are just really dumb, and I realize that a lot of people I know honestly don't give a flying fuck about our doom, and I'm instantly filled with annoyance and anger, but not as much as before. I'm no longer planning to destroy skyscrapers with vast quantities of soap like Tyler Durden once did. I realized that there is something that can be done.
I am currently attempting to organize a day of anger, which will consist of protests, angry fists punching the polluted, CO2 enriched air, and lots of yelling. As of now organizing such an event is merely fantasy, but the idea is keeping me sane.

So, yeah. Often, the most troubling situations can stress us out into thinking nothing can be done and we will fall into a state of utter hopelessness. Don't, though. It's bad. If there is something that ever pisses you off, or makes you sad to the point where you begin to feel insane, do something about it. Confront it head on, and make it your bitch. The world is a messed up place, and it won't fix itself on its own. No, sir, we need to change it. Displacing a single grain of sand in a desert will instantly change the landscape. A small change is still a change. And even when it seems like there is nothing to be done, believe you me, there is. It just takes a little creative thinking. And some hopeful thinking as well. (Optimism is good sometimes.)We are capable of that, and consequently, we are capable of change.