Mental Health Days

One time, when I was, like, a sophomore or something, some kids were causing drama. High school drama, as you may know, is annoying and dumb, but it seems to be a requirement in life. Anyway, being the angsty teenager I was, this drama that had been stirred up made me, well, angsty. Feelings of sadness, grief and despair soon flooded my being. My mind wasn't functioning. A non-functioning mind is pretty useless, especially in school. I didn't want to go to school one of those days I was feeling down. I needed a mental health day. So, I did what many children my age would have done. I left my window open at night, ditched the covers and blankets on my bed, and embraced the cold, chilly, winter air.

I am aware that the cold does not induce illness. My mother, on the other hand, was/is not aware. So, knowing that my mum was gullible, and that those grimy little kids at school are basically breeding grounds for disease, I was able to convince my mother to let me stay home to recover.

I have a friend that once told me that being surrounded by negative people will make you feel like total crap. Unfortunately, eliminating people from existence is frowned upon in this society. So the best you can do is isolate yourself from those damn people. The best way to go about doing this is to isolate yourself in a house or abandoned building where drug dealers hang out. All contact with annoying humans should be avoided on mental health days.

While in isolation, the consumption of these items will speed up recovery:

• Apple juice
• Graham crackers
• Soda (Preferably grape or orange).
• Celery/apple slice with peanut butter
• Popcorn
• NaCl
• Imagine Whirled Peace ice cream
• Anything with little to no nutritional value

Sorry, diabetics. You can always substitute all this crap with sugar-less junk food or whatever.

It's late, I'm tired, deal with this.

Anyway...

While away from work, school, club meetings, presidential debates, cult gatherings, etc., it is also crucial to distract yourself from any negative thoughts. Eating all your problems away won't cure you. You have to do more. Reading may help, but I have discovered that playing mindless video games is much more effective. I mean, what better way to eliminate your problems than to imagine that guy you hate is the same guy who is about to get decapitated? Some good example of mindless video games are listed here:

• Sly Cooper Series (Try to avoid first and third)
• Jak and Daxter series
• Ratchet and Clank series
• God of War series
• Elite Beat Agents
• Any Pokemon game
• Bust-a-Move

There are of course more, but these are the ones that got me through the toughest of times.

Try your best to avoid any games that induce rage. These games include:

• Pac-Man

As you are lazing it up around the isolated building, feel free to make a mess. But make sure the mess isn't, um, too messy. Filth and such can make you feel gross and stuff, which will only lead to feeling upset which is what you DON'T want to feel on a mental health day.

Emotions can ruin your day. Avoid most emotions, if possible. Your goal is just to feel comfortable and at ease.

The goal of a mental health day is really just to let your mind atrophy and rot to the point that it can recover in one day. Oh, and make sure you will yourself back into reality before the day following the mental health day. This will prevent any mental shock.

So that's that. Let your mind rot for one day. This will, hopefully, allow you to deal with shit more effectively. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but hey, it's worked for some people.

This is the end.

-Alejandro Tinajero with contributions from Michael Juricich.